Hey, I first wanted to tell you a little bit about me before i start delving into the philosphy of life and pondering why we are all really here. I dont want to scare you away yet. My name is Kacey and I am 28 year old widow from Louisiana. I have a 10 year old son, his name is Leighton. He is awesome (most the time) lol. Of course kids will be kids. I was born and raised in Louisiana. No I am not a cajun. I live in northeastern Louisiana. its like a whole different world from the south. You will frequently see me use the word ya'll, so get used to that. I was married for 10 years. My husband was Chad Eppinette. We were Highschool sweethearts, we married straight out of high school. I was 17 years old.Chad was 18. We were in love but we were young. Chad was in the military and shortly after we got married decided to join Active Duty Army. I was mad at first I admit. I had never traveled out of Louisiana besides the family vacations. So the thought of moving at such a young age was terrifying. We were married for about a month before I ended up pregnant. Yeah we didnt waste anytime lol. We got stationed in Ft. Stewart Georgia. At first it was a huge adjustment but I ended up loving it there and would give anything to go back one day. We got settled in and we called Georgia home for the next 3 years. Our son was born on August 2nd 2002. We couldnt have been happier, it was just me, Chad, and our lil boy, it was our little family. 6 weeks after Leighton was born Chad was scheduled to go to Kuwait and what I was told was a training exercise. So i ended up moving back home during this time because he was supposed to be gone for a year. I celebrated our one year anniversary with my parents and eating our cake topper with my dad. How romantic!
It ended up that he was sent to Iraq because the war started. 8 months into his tour I recieved a phone call that Chad had been shot.Thats all I was told also, not that he was ok or anything just that he had been shot. It was 2 days before I heard anything else. I was a nervous wreck. He finally called and he told me he had been taken to Germany. He was ok. He had been shot by a sniper while doing patrol and they came under enemy fire..The bullet went through his left shoulder. The doctor said that if the sniper would have been a few more inches to the right he would be dead. We were really blessed. He was sent home early. I was happy but he felt like he was leaving his guys behind. Chad recovered and I moved back to Georgia and we resumed our life. We loved it there. Yeah we had our ups and downs but overall we were happy. It was about a year after he returned that he was scheduled to ship out again for his second tour to Iraq. Our son was two now. Chad had already miss all the milestones in his sons life. Life was not turning out the way it was supposed too.
I moved back home again. I was young and had a child. Yes I had a few friends in Georgia but I wanted to be home with my family and friends. I started by living with my parents but decided that was too much and ended up getting our own place just me and Leighton. We lived day by day. I talked to Chad almost everyday over the phone or through the internet. I admit life was hard. I ended up getting mixed up with a group of people I shouldnt have became and once and a while drug user. This then turned into a everyday user. This was a constant problem for a whole year. Chad came home from Iraq and I knew it was either get my crap together or loose my family. So I disconnected myself from that world and made my way into a life with family. It was easier than I expected, I know if I didnt have my family, Chad and Leighton I would have never made it. We ended up moving back to Louisiana.
Honestly things were great for awhile. But they did not stay that way. Chad couldnt keep a job. I ended up going to work full time when Leighton started pre-k. I worked for the next 6 years. Chad began to not sleep and have dreams. Every little thing was a reminder of war. He progressively got worse. He went from job to job. He ended up landing a job at a gun store and kept it for about 2 years. Then he started receiving social security disability because he was service connected through the VA for Traumatic Brain Injury and PTSD and could no longer work and because his social skills were becoming non existent. He would sleep all day, stay awake all night. He forgot things all the time. He suffered from severe migraines and irritation. We couldn't even tap our feet without him getting angry. He had severe anxiety. He was constantly sitting beside the window looking out at every noise. He would lock himself in the house in fear someone was after him. He slept with a gun under his pillow. He had obsessive compulsive disorder. He always had a slight case of OCD but this was out of control. Everything had a label. Q-tips would be put in ziploc bags and labeled "q-tips", same things with rubber bands, pens, paperclips, etc. His socks were arranged in the draw by color. The drink in the fridge had to be turned the same way. The toilet paper roll had to face the same direction, his clothes had to hang in the same direction. It took him hours to do anything because labeling and organization became so controlling over his life. Everyday life became a struggle. Drinking became a problem and he was taking so much medication that he wasn't even here. He used to be an active father and he became an absent one. I took care of bills and household chores and worked full time. He tried. He really did but everyday tasks became almost impossible. It put a strain on our marriage and life in general. Then it got worse. He started having seizures. He then couldn't drive. So I had to take him everywhere and if I wasn't there he couldn't go anywhere. He created him a "man cave" and he almost never came out. He became lost in music and violence. H e hated almost everyone and felt abandoned. I suppose he was. I become angry for having to carry the load. We struggled in this lifestyle for 6 years.
I was angry and hurt and numb. I resented him. I didn't care about myself and felt like I wasn't a good wife or mother. I neglected myself and I let myself become massively obese. I weighed 250lbs. So I was miserably unhappy. I eventually decided enough was enough and began attending weight watchers and lost 105 lbs. I kept it off for a year and then I found Beachbody where I found Insanity. I started working out and lost another 15lbs. I became a fitness freak! I finally felt better. But in Feb of 2011, Chad decided that life would be easier if he left, so he decided he wanted a divorce. I begged him to stay and he refused so we seperated. He moved out about a week before Valentines Day. Things only went down hill from there. His drinking became uncontrollable. I refused to let him drink at home and we never did anything because you never knew what would happen, because he became so violent and out of control. But now I wasnt in control so he did as he wanted. This proved to be disastrous. I will not tarnish his name and make him out to be a bad guy by telling everything he did. That doesnt matter. But he became mixed up in the wrong crowd, people who were miserable just like him. They didnt help him but enabled his sickness and let him do as he wanted. But he needed someone to tell him what to do he needed that control. In July of 2011, he lost that control and his battle with PTSD and his demons and he took his own life.
We were devastated, I was now left alone and more tragic so was our son. It has been a rough year and half. I went through so many stages of grief and I still am. I was in disbelief, then total depression, the sheer rage and anger, then numbness. I am not sure what stage I am in now. Or which one will come next . I know that I am taking it day by day. I know I have realized that life is a very precious special gift and it is only lent to us for a short time so we need to make the best of it. Chad taught me so many things that I was too angry to acknowledge until now. Its a shame that we realize all these things when it is too late. I see life in a different perspective, I am a different person and I am changed because of him. He has made an impact on me like no other and I will never forget. He is a hero in my eyes. He fought for our freedom and he paid the ultimate sacrifice. My husband died in the war. His body came home but his mind did not.
I have made it my goal to raise awareness of PTSD and TBI and our returning soldiers, I will do everything in my power to raise awareness for this cause and to help any veteran and family that I can to not have to go through the things we went through as a family. Leighton and I will be ok, because I know Chad is at peace he lived hell on earth and deserves the peace and rest he so desperately sought. I have comfort in knowing is peaceful and happy. That is the only hope I have. I know I will see him one day. I will raise our child to his standards and teach him about service, sacrifice and honor and the ultimate price his father paid.
Everyone has a story; this is mine.
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